Some Notes Off Key too

There is definitely a difference between engineers and artists. Artists are born and engineers are programmed. Becoming an engineer is easy. If one can't figure out the right answer, just learn to figure out the three wrong ones. Artists on the other hand have infinite permutations and combinations to choose from, and then to come up with that one painting, that one sculpture, that one melody. No wonder, we, who are devoid of any such trait, envy the artistic community. Actually, envy is perhaps not the right word. After all, it is one of the deadly sins. Personally I prefer urdu word “Rashq”…..Envy with positive connotations.

When it comes to musical melodies, I am a person of very limited choice. I admit that I have listened to Beatles’ “Money can’t buy you love” but it was more for philosophical reasons than musical. When it comes to music, I revert to my collection of old hindi songs, Ghazals and some Punjabi. A collection of over 2000 pieces neatly catalogued into series of "Meri Pasand" and most of it goes back to my college days...I know, it sounds pathetic but can't be helped. No doubt, that limited taste presents its problems in dreary routines of life in western world. Have you ever tried to run 3 miles while Bhupinder hums “Dil Dhoondta hai Phir wahi phursat ke raat din” through your portable mp3 player? Or tried to keep pace while an indecisive Lata surmises “Ruke Ruke se Kadam, ruk ke Bar Bar chale”.  And Jagjit Singh, May god rest his soul, is worse. Listen to him and Lata's "Bar Bar chale” indecisiveness ends with one ending up in a real Bar rather than a gym.

My personal favorite for my exercise routine is a two in one….Music+Motivation by an in-imitable Mohd. Rafi.

Sab se Pehle Suno Mian, karke varzish bano Jawan

Chehra palish kiya karo, Thodi maalish kiya karo

Ishtile se uthe kadam, Seena jaada to Pet kam,

Ai kibla, Ujle baalon ko rang dalo, ban jayo Gulfaam

(Listen to me, Oh aging Sir, 

Exercise and regain youthful vigor.

Polish your face and get massaged-in,

Step in style, blown chest, Gut sucked in.

In those gray hair, add some dye, 

And turn yourself into playboy)

It all started last year with a conversation with my old talented friend Kulpreet Singh Badial, who happens to be an accomplished Tablist. I know, English majors among you are cringing….Tablist! Well, the word has been specially coined for accomplished Tabla players. It is not inducted into the dictionary yet but negotiations with Merriam-Webster et.al. could conclude any minute. You see, we Punjabis, who were taught English by an extremely underpaid but well meaning teaching staff, think that suffix –ist is the ultimate indicator of strength…..Pian-ist, Cell-ist, Flut-ist, and let's not forget the power of F-ist. English language is full of exceptions and the exception to the rule is Agricultur-ist. Here strength doesn’t matter, for sooner or later an Agriculturist will get screwed by a third party. The 'regularity' with which Kulpreet Badial is hitting his Tabla Riyaz (practice), either the word Tablist will soon become a part of lexicon, or an investigation will be launched into use of experimental steroid, Musical Milk of Magnesia developed at Tablabs research.

Now, I don’t want to give a wrong impression here that we can become artists, because everyone knows that we belong to a class, who have an unshakable belief in Clint Eastwood axiom “A Man has got to know his limitations”. Btw, not many people know that Mr. Eastwood happens to be very accomplished Pianist himself. There is a reason and purpose, why God has assigned folks like I to the lower band of distribution. And I am as comfortable in my assigned band as a swine ensconced in a sty. However, an occasional stroll outside the assigned band is still in the realm of possibilities. As a great man once said - Try to learn everything about something, and something about everything. And hence, the inception of this notes-worthy idea. Aim was to get the fingers to glide over the keys correctly (most of the times) for some tunes, figure out the notes of some old Indian songs from my youth and learn just enough to be able to play on a Keyboard for inebriated dinner guests, who may not notice an off-key note or two or more. Or better, inebriated enough to perceive off-key notes as a variation of the original score…….an unoriginal score!

We engineers have been taking a direct approach to everything. Many of our kind have been known to approach the opposite sex with an opening line – “You know, I am an engineer and I love to experiment”. The results of such approach of course are binary – all or nothing. Someone tells us, Read the Manual – We say Bah !.....Take Lessons – We say Poo-Bah ! Direct approach is our mantra. "Punch in some keys and let’s see what happens" is our modus operandi to learning. After all what is the difference, computer keyboard or musical keyboard......it's all just Keys !

First Step

The first step in learning to play Keyboard is to bring the Keyboard you bought at a garage sale, out of the storage, and into the living area. It is highly recommended that one clean it thoroughly before punching in any keys, for  it might spew some dust stuck in between keys, into your nostrils. I did not learn this from my personal experience. I actually read it in the manual.

Both Hands?

If you ask me, playing Keyboard with both hands is highly overrated. For novice experimenters as I am, I highly recommend keeping one hand free to hold that glass of Scotch. Unless you are blessed with a spouse, who is ready to stand by you unconditionally (and hold the glass) during this rougher phase of your musical career.

Getting There

Hidden somewhere in the major scales, minor scales and Thaats (Hindustani system of music, which forms the basis of countless Ragas) and at least three different octaves, is the combination to the melody you seek. Laxmikant-Pyarelals of the world knows where it is, folks like I have no clue, and Bappi Lahiris of the world knows someone who knows. 

After many months of enjoying a relationship of mutual contempt, my Keyboard and I finally warmed up to each other. It was almost accidental when I punched keys C (Flat) and c (Sharp) of upper octave in succession, and an image conjured up. An image of a young Shabana Aazmi, on rooftop of a house with beautiful southern coastal Indian backdrop, drying her laundry, smiling coyly to herself, humming, and waiting for Mr. Singh. Yes, that accidental punching happened to be a few opening notes to Pal Bhar mein yeh kya ho gaya from movie Swami. Considering that melody flows (as opposed to jumps), engineering logic dictated that next notes must be in the general vicinity. And sure enough, a few more punching in of keys and voila, now I had something which does hum like Pal Bhar mein yeh kya ho gaya.

C'c'C'c'C'aC'a


Following the same irrefutable logic, the notes to next line of the song (Woh main gayee, woh dil gaya) turned to be a little lower on the frequency scale, but with a similar pattern.

aC'aC'agag

And just as is true for weight and effect of opening lines in conversations with opposite sex, rest comes  relatively easy. The keys to first two lines of the song happen to be all from c Major scale (or Thaat Bilawal of Hindustani system). And hence, we are now narrowed down to a manageable subset of keys (btw, this is generally true but not always, as some songs do use more than one scale). Pump more Scotch in and Punch out some more keys of c Major scale and one pretty much has the song. With a thankful smooch to young Shabana Aazmi....wait is over. Mujeres y Hombres, les presento, la cancion indu muy sonora

A few more notes have been unlocked from persistent punching in of keys in months of winter. Here is a medley of many a mukhras (opening notes) of old hindi songs from an era, which arguably has produced bulk of evergreen songs, whose charm have refused to succumb to harshness of time. Many songs from this era has often accompanied me through my ruminations and moments of solitude. Unaided by musical milk of magnesia, regularity of my Riyaz leaves a lot to be desired and some notes here and there are off key. I recommend getting  a drink before you press the play button. And talking of drink,  I have completely run out of Scotch. So if you do end up liking this medley, please send me a bottle or two. As a return favor, I promise to play free at your childrens' weddings and birthdays. And thus, virtually guaranteeing an early and speedy departure of unwanted guests. If, per some remote chance, my single-handed effort fails to live up to the task, I swear, I will start playing with both hands.