March 23, 2013
Senor Pope
I know God is omniscient but it seems that He has completely forgotten that snow belongs in winter and not in spring. Could someone shoot a memo to Him?
I know God is omniscient but it seems that He has completely forgotten that snow belongs in winter and not in spring. Could someone shoot a memo to Him?
April 18, 2013
Senor Pope
OK I get it. You are the chief lobbyist with connections to the Big guy. All I asked (nicely) was why there is snow in the spring. Do you really have to rub it in by sending it down three days in row…a foot of it? I was looking forward to gardening, not shoveling. You and I have our differences but poor bunnies in the backyard ain’t looking happy either. Guilty by association, I guess. I hope we are done now showing off. Btw, how is your new gig going? The job sure has its perks. A fancy bulletproof Pope-mobile, a personal posse of Swiss fighters. Talk to those Swiss guards, they will tell you all about the importance of precision…especially in weather patterns. And what is up with that big Hat ? Who designed it, Don King? You fix this snow thing and we will get together to celebrate, talk a little politics, over, shall I say, a few Chalices of wine. My treat. And I know a great bar, right by the Basilica !
May 1st, 2013
Senor Pope
It is May here and I am enjoying the 10 inches of snow which came down this morning. Buried my garlic crop, but what is couple of cloves between friends. People are saying, Lord acts in mysterious ways but you and I know there is no mystery. Earlier in the season, when moisture was needed, one of you was goofing off and other was busy preparing for an important “Conclave” thing. And now you are fixing the water shortage by making up the average. I get it. Btw, we just call it election these days. If we start calling it a Conclave, the voting percentage will drop to just a few "Cardinal" offenders. But I like the White Smoke thing, very stylish indeed. Someday, we may announce the election results with White Smoke too, if Willie Nelson gets “conclaved”, or maybe we need a leader who wouldn't inhale. Please disregard all my earlier complaints. You know how we humans are. We like to blame others for our misery. But I must admit that you guys are good. Just a few millennia of practice, and you already know how to take credit for all the good stuff and ward off the blame for anything negative. Corporate America will be lucky to have you in their management cadres. My spouse is the same too. Only yesterday morning, she couldn’t find her Cell Phone, and lo and behold, that too was my fault. Well, summer is rolling around and you guys should drop by in July, when tomatoes are ripe and peppers are hot. My home made hot salsa is served with killer Margaritas. Now I don’t want to brag here but a few sips of my scotch spiked Margarita, and even you will be forced to describe the concoction as nothing but Divine.
October 27th, 2013
Senor Pope
Fall is wrapping up and I marvel at nature. Changing colors reminds me of passage of time, and I am not just talking about the color of my beard. We even had a little taste of winter with a few inches of snow, which melted on its own.....just the way we lazy humans like it. Anyway, I would like to thank you for straightening the weather thing earlier. A fabulous salsa and Margarita season we had this year. It does not matter if it was my incessant complaining or that "anonymous" check I sent to help defray the legal costs. I wonder if you have considered some public de-frocking. It could be more effective. Der aayed, Durust aayed (Corrections to one's mistakes often come late) is what wise men say in my land.
And talking of mistakes, I heard that a serious mistake has been detected on the coins issued by the Vatican to commemorate your favorite motto "Miserando atque eligendo" (Lowly but Chosen)....you folks spelled JESUS wrong ? You spelled him LESUS ! As my english teacher who had the misfortune of grading my high school term papers was known to say,"For the love of LESUS, can't you do a little Spell-check"?
And talking of Spell-check, would it be possible to send a warning thunderbolt of lightning by the Microsoft Office. Every time I write a report, their Spell-check software changes my overtly pious name "Satnam" to either "Satan" or "Santa'. If you are not familiar, latter is just a capitalist version of the former. Come December, and a Beer-fed one will be seen at every temple of Capitalism aka The Mall.
And talking of thunderbolts of lightning, it might be good idea to send a really high voltage one by the House of Representatives, Senate & White House.....and perhaps on a regular basis. Trust me, it will be a single act, which could convert agnostics into believers en masse.
Well, you do all this, and I promise to stop using HIS name in vain, except at all the PAR 3 holes, for post-life flagellation which I am sure to receive, would be worth the divine help I am trying to invoke to score another Hole in One..........FORE......I mean AMEN.
It is May here and I am enjoying the 10 inches of snow which came down this morning. Buried my garlic crop, but what is couple of cloves between friends. People are saying, Lord acts in mysterious ways but you and I know there is no mystery. Earlier in the season, when moisture was needed, one of you was goofing off and other was busy preparing for an important “Conclave” thing. And now you are fixing the water shortage by making up the average. I get it. Btw, we just call it election these days. If we start calling it a Conclave, the voting percentage will drop to just a few "Cardinal" offenders. But I like the White Smoke thing, very stylish indeed. Someday, we may announce the election results with White Smoke too, if Willie Nelson gets “conclaved”, or maybe we need a leader who wouldn't inhale. Please disregard all my earlier complaints. You know how we humans are. We like to blame others for our misery. But I must admit that you guys are good. Just a few millennia of practice, and you already know how to take credit for all the good stuff and ward off the blame for anything negative. Corporate America will be lucky to have you in their management cadres. My spouse is the same too. Only yesterday morning, she couldn’t find her Cell Phone, and lo and behold, that too was my fault. Well, summer is rolling around and you guys should drop by in July, when tomatoes are ripe and peppers are hot. My home made hot salsa is served with killer Margaritas. Now I don’t want to brag here but a few sips of my scotch spiked Margarita, and even you will be forced to describe the concoction as nothing but Divine.
October 27th, 2013
Senor Pope
Fall is wrapping up and I marvel at nature. Changing colors reminds me of passage of time, and I am not just talking about the color of my beard. We even had a little taste of winter with a few inches of snow, which melted on its own.....just the way we lazy humans like it. Anyway, I would like to thank you for straightening the weather thing earlier. A fabulous salsa and Margarita season we had this year. It does not matter if it was my incessant complaining or that "anonymous" check I sent to help defray the legal costs. I wonder if you have considered some public de-frocking. It could be more effective. Der aayed, Durust aayed (Corrections to one's mistakes often come late) is what wise men say in my land.
And talking of mistakes, I heard that a serious mistake has been detected on the coins issued by the Vatican to commemorate your favorite motto "Miserando atque eligendo" (Lowly but Chosen)....you folks spelled JESUS wrong ? You spelled him LESUS ! As my english teacher who had the misfortune of grading my high school term papers was known to say,"For the love of LESUS, can't you do a little Spell-check"?
And talking of Spell-check, would it be possible to send a warning thunderbolt of lightning by the Microsoft Office. Every time I write a report, their Spell-check software changes my overtly pious name "Satnam" to either "Satan" or "Santa'. If you are not familiar, latter is just a capitalist version of the former. Come December, and a Beer-fed one will be seen at every temple of Capitalism aka The Mall.
And talking of thunderbolts of lightning, it might be good idea to send a really high voltage one by the House of Representatives, Senate & White House.....and perhaps on a regular basis. Trust me, it will be a single act, which could convert agnostics into believers en masse.
Well, you do all this, and I promise to stop using HIS name in vain, except at all the PAR 3 holes, for post-life flagellation which I am sure to receive, would be worth the divine help I am trying to invoke to score another Hole in One..........FORE......I mean AMEN.
2 comments:
Good one. Perhaps you should be called SatanOM - the devil-incarnate in saffron - the color of lust.
Interesting letters by SatanOM and a superb comment by Kulpreet
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