When it comes to household projects, Americans are hard core Do-it-yourself (DIY) people. After attending a few hours of DIY classes at the Mecca of DIYers, The Home Depot, people who earlier had a hard time figuring out which end of the screwdriver is meant to screw and which end is the driver, come out brimming with complete confidence that they will be able to handle everything from building one's own house to construction of a backyard nuclear reactor. Initial ignition of DIY spirit needs a small spark, buying a few small tools, before the DIY engine really revs up. And then fairly soon, one of the cars has to be moved out of the garage to make space for additional tools. And when Garage runs out of space, it is not time to re-contemplate or stop. Au contraire, it is time to tackle the problem head on with...well, a DIY project : Tool Shed. Yes, Tool Shed is a small, Hong Kong family apartment sized dwelling, for an American garage over-flow of tools. And if your tool shed is over-flowing too, then also fear not ! America has a solution for that too : Rental Storage shed. A willing (for a fee of course) receiver of over-flow of the over-flow.
Contrary to the popular adage, not all the things which start well, end well. Many DIYers, who persisted in spirit ended up with constructing houses, which defied all known laws of trigonometry. And then there are many, whose ebullient DIY spirits were nipped in the infancy by court orders, for letting their favorite chain saw make an unsupervised entry through the bedroom wall ; a minor oversight, overly misconstrued by their startled spouses and the legal community.
I have prided myself on being among the ranks of the minority called the minimalists. Borrow, not buy is their credo. Their commandment : Be kind and friendly to the fellow man, especially the one who has a tool shed and a rental storage unit. Occasionally though, I do get an urge to tool-ify myself and that is when I frequent Harbor Freight. If Home Depot is the Mecca, then Harbor Freight, for lack of other proper description, is Mecca-Lite ! A chapel for budget-minded worshippers. For believers, who seek DIY-ine blessings, but has a major gripe with the "Tithe" clause. Seek without tithe and ye shall find, plentiful of Made in China blessings. Cheap beyond belief Tools manufactured without the encumbrance of a Quality control department.
Every once in a while, life throws you a curveball, catches you in weak moments and you underestimate that DIY project. Event and descriptions below are completely imagined, a point by point theoretical case study related in this manner for clarity and impact. It is to be used solely as an educational tool.
Water Water ! In the morning, such noise often emanates from bathroom where children, unaware of world's struggle with fresh water shortage, are engaged in some liquidity frolic. However, if the words are unusually high pitched with hints of surprise and anguish, then pay immediate attention or the water might come to you, while you are still in the bed.
A quick investigation of the "Watergate" could bring you face to face with the fact that entire Kitchen floor is covered with water. At this point, rest of the panicky household will expect you to take charge and act with the rapidity of a SWAT team. Wade in, determine that it is only the darn faucet which has developed a leak, shut off the supply line and rapidly move to the problem of newly formed kitchen pool.
Don't think, act reflexively. Large swathes of absorbent material with great water soaking capability? May I suggest that quilt, gifted to you by your well meaning but legally color/aesthetics blind in-laws. Swoosh, Swoosh and voila ! Kitchen floor is back in business before your spouse may say What the....!! Prove that you are a non-discriminating, equal opportunity employer of any ready resources by using your favorite football team jersey to wipe the underside of kitchen sink.
At this point, a short breather and then let the SWAT team morph into a nobel prize winning scientist and start thinking about replacing the Faucet.
"I always disliked that faucet. I also dislike that old coated sink. Coating is coming off at some many places. I want you to put in a modern faucet and a modern sink", says your spouse. In retrospect, this sentence will be remembered as the curveball.
"Most kitchen sinks come in standard 33x22 size, so this should be a 1-2 hour max drop-in DIY job, but ++++ wow credits in the spousal credit union, take morning off work and go out for beer in the afternoon", one runs the gamut of positive scenarios through clouded mind. That in retrospect will be called a weak moment.
"OK. Why don't you come with me to the hardware store and please help select the new sink and faucet", you might say to your spouse.
Now ladies take note here for this one is for the ages. This sentence is heavier than a man declaring his undying love + Til death (his death, likely during a DIY) do us part, put together.
At this point let's take a short detour of other introspective and persistent questions of life. Now many of us have accompanied our spouses on shopping trips and watched her walk through the aisles and aisles of clothing, touching and feeling every piece, and having the same telepathic conversation with all of them, "Will you make my derriere look big"? Do we really have to follow the same model when buying a kitchen sink? Do we really have to go to three different hardware stores in fifteen mile vicinity to check every 33x22 steel receptacle of food waste and dirty dishes? Do we really have to ask the store attendants to climb that 3 storey ladder and get down Sink Model A2+ so that we can figure out why it is superior to Sink Model A2?
And then there is Faucet. It is not included with the Kitchen sink. To the engineers among you, it is nothing more than a valve. The ones with high GPA will add precision with "one way valve". The word Faucet comes from its french/latin root, "Falsare", to falsify, and that is apparent in the price tags of these Faucets. Folks, if price is no object for you, then please go out today and impress your spouse with the shape, size, sleekness and an incredible turn on, turn off capability of your new eh....one way valve.
During the course of this DIY, many other theoretical possibilities may arise, which may or may not be covered by the following list
1) Dismantling things are easier and quicker, by nature. However, if you have not had any practice lying on your back in the cramped area underneath kitchen sink, surprises might come to you in form of head bumps, fumbles with flash light, slipped screwdriver missing your eye by an inch and an inability to drag yourself out.
2) Removing multiple clips from the perimeter is a lesson in patience, an underrated virtue. Later, you will re-install the same clips and feel like repeating your graduate thesis with same advisor, who did not approve of your intellect the first time.
3) Your spouse did a good thoughtful job picking up a sink with a lip to contain side splashes. You forgot to make sure that its backside is not compatible with margin from the back wall. Please return to the hardware store for an exchange.
4) Picking another kitchen sink. Yes, sinks do come with 33x22 size but they come with different Z axis dimensions, and one your spouse picked second time is deeper and will interfere with that hitherto un-noticed odor vent in the corner.
"Just go back and pick whatever you want", your spouse might say, a dash testily.
Return to hardware store alone for another exchange.
5) They say third time is a charm. But you may discover that even though you picked the correct sink in broad dimensions (X, Y and Z), but it still is not sitting flush with the counter top for some reason. That is because of the corners. Your Sink counter top opening may have the rounded corners, a tad disagreement with new straight sink. Return to the hardware store determined (not to exchange sink) but to buy a hand Saw and proceed on to straightening out those rounded corners.
Note : This is also the point where "Glass Half Full" kind of people will thank God that your kitchen counter tops are made of wood and not stone. The ones with Stone kitchen counter tops will proudly add a brand new stone grinder to their tool shed inventory.
6) After epoxying in the new sink, you may discover that new sink outlet is incompatible with your existing garbage disposal (in-sink-erator) attachment. Run out and pry the old one out of trash bin before trash service had the chance to take it for a burial service at the local land fill.
7) And lastly the "New Faucet" (it had to be) may be a little two high and old flex lines may not be long enough to attach to the water lines. Return to the hardware store, where by now, they know what that middle initial of your name truly stand for.
At this point, day is over and Beer will provide no succor. One is definitely ready for strong stuff.
As signs of summer show up, I dread for an old problem with sprinkler system is bound to seep into conversation again. In the middle of the night, when sprinkler system starts and changes zones, it emanates a very distinctive Noise. A casual unbiased observer might get the impression that NRA is having a meeting in the basement of my house, and disagreements are being settled the only old fashioned way, they know of. Problem seems to be a "valve" attached in the wrong line. I am thinking of calling the professionals to handle this one but then a friend of mine tells me that this is a simple two hour max job. I am tempted because my friend owns a tool shed, a rental unit and a brand new welding machine to boot.
Contrary to the popular adage, not all the things which start well, end well. Many DIYers, who persisted in spirit ended up with constructing houses, which defied all known laws of trigonometry. And then there are many, whose ebullient DIY spirits were nipped in the infancy by court orders, for letting their favorite chain saw make an unsupervised entry through the bedroom wall ; a minor oversight, overly misconstrued by their startled spouses and the legal community.
I have prided myself on being among the ranks of the minority called the minimalists. Borrow, not buy is their credo. Their commandment : Be kind and friendly to the fellow man, especially the one who has a tool shed and a rental storage unit. Occasionally though, I do get an urge to tool-ify myself and that is when I frequent Harbor Freight. If Home Depot is the Mecca, then Harbor Freight, for lack of other proper description, is Mecca-Lite ! A chapel for budget-minded worshippers. For believers, who seek DIY-ine blessings, but has a major gripe with the "Tithe" clause. Seek without tithe and ye shall find, plentiful of Made in China blessings. Cheap beyond belief Tools manufactured without the encumbrance of a Quality control department.
Every once in a while, life throws you a curveball, catches you in weak moments and you underestimate that DIY project. Event and descriptions below are completely imagined, a point by point theoretical case study related in this manner for clarity and impact. It is to be used solely as an educational tool.
Water Water ! In the morning, such noise often emanates from bathroom where children, unaware of world's struggle with fresh water shortage, are engaged in some liquidity frolic. However, if the words are unusually high pitched with hints of surprise and anguish, then pay immediate attention or the water might come to you, while you are still in the bed.
A quick investigation of the "Watergate" could bring you face to face with the fact that entire Kitchen floor is covered with water. At this point, rest of the panicky household will expect you to take charge and act with the rapidity of a SWAT team. Wade in, determine that it is only the darn faucet which has developed a leak, shut off the supply line and rapidly move to the problem of newly formed kitchen pool.
Don't think, act reflexively. Large swathes of absorbent material with great water soaking capability? May I suggest that quilt, gifted to you by your well meaning but legally color/aesthetics blind in-laws. Swoosh, Swoosh and voila ! Kitchen floor is back in business before your spouse may say What the....!! Prove that you are a non-discriminating, equal opportunity employer of any ready resources by using your favorite football team jersey to wipe the underside of kitchen sink.
At this point, a short breather and then let the SWAT team morph into a nobel prize winning scientist and start thinking about replacing the Faucet.
"I always disliked that faucet. I also dislike that old coated sink. Coating is coming off at some many places. I want you to put in a modern faucet and a modern sink", says your spouse. In retrospect, this sentence will be remembered as the curveball.
"Most kitchen sinks come in standard 33x22 size, so this should be a 1-2 hour max drop-in DIY job, but ++++ wow credits in the spousal credit union, take morning off work and go out for beer in the afternoon", one runs the gamut of positive scenarios through clouded mind. That in retrospect will be called a weak moment.
"OK. Why don't you come with me to the hardware store and please help select the new sink and faucet", you might say to your spouse.
Now ladies take note here for this one is for the ages. This sentence is heavier than a man declaring his undying love + Til death (his death, likely during a DIY) do us part, put together.
At this point let's take a short detour of other introspective and persistent questions of life. Now many of us have accompanied our spouses on shopping trips and watched her walk through the aisles and aisles of clothing, touching and feeling every piece, and having the same telepathic conversation with all of them, "Will you make my derriere look big"? Do we really have to follow the same model when buying a kitchen sink? Do we really have to go to three different hardware stores in fifteen mile vicinity to check every 33x22 steel receptacle of food waste and dirty dishes? Do we really have to ask the store attendants to climb that 3 storey ladder and get down Sink Model A2+ so that we can figure out why it is superior to Sink Model A2?
And then there is Faucet. It is not included with the Kitchen sink. To the engineers among you, it is nothing more than a valve. The ones with high GPA will add precision with "one way valve". The word Faucet comes from its french/latin root, "Falsare", to falsify, and that is apparent in the price tags of these Faucets. Folks, if price is no object for you, then please go out today and impress your spouse with the shape, size, sleekness and an incredible turn on, turn off capability of your new eh....one way valve.
During the course of this DIY, many other theoretical possibilities may arise, which may or may not be covered by the following list
1) Dismantling things are easier and quicker, by nature. However, if you have not had any practice lying on your back in the cramped area underneath kitchen sink, surprises might come to you in form of head bumps, fumbles with flash light, slipped screwdriver missing your eye by an inch and an inability to drag yourself out.
2) Removing multiple clips from the perimeter is a lesson in patience, an underrated virtue. Later, you will re-install the same clips and feel like repeating your graduate thesis with same advisor, who did not approve of your intellect the first time.
3) Your spouse did a good thoughtful job picking up a sink with a lip to contain side splashes. You forgot to make sure that its backside is not compatible with margin from the back wall. Please return to the hardware store for an exchange.
4) Picking another kitchen sink. Yes, sinks do come with 33x22 size but they come with different Z axis dimensions, and one your spouse picked second time is deeper and will interfere with that hitherto un-noticed odor vent in the corner.
"Just go back and pick whatever you want", your spouse might say, a dash testily.
Return to hardware store alone for another exchange.
5) They say third time is a charm. But you may discover that even though you picked the correct sink in broad dimensions (X, Y and Z), but it still is not sitting flush with the counter top for some reason. That is because of the corners. Your Sink counter top opening may have the rounded corners, a tad disagreement with new straight sink. Return to the hardware store determined (not to exchange sink) but to buy a hand Saw and proceed on to straightening out those rounded corners.
Note : This is also the point where "Glass Half Full" kind of people will thank God that your kitchen counter tops are made of wood and not stone. The ones with Stone kitchen counter tops will proudly add a brand new stone grinder to their tool shed inventory.
6) After epoxying in the new sink, you may discover that new sink outlet is incompatible with your existing garbage disposal (in-sink-erator) attachment. Run out and pry the old one out of trash bin before trash service had the chance to take it for a burial service at the local land fill.
7) And lastly the "New Faucet" (it had to be) may be a little two high and old flex lines may not be long enough to attach to the water lines. Return to the hardware store, where by now, they know what that middle initial of your name truly stand for.
At this point, day is over and Beer will provide no succor. One is definitely ready for strong stuff.
As signs of summer show up, I dread for an old problem with sprinkler system is bound to seep into conversation again. In the middle of the night, when sprinkler system starts and changes zones, it emanates a very distinctive Noise. A casual unbiased observer might get the impression that NRA is having a meeting in the basement of my house, and disagreements are being settled the only old fashioned way, they know of. Problem seems to be a "valve" attached in the wrong line. I am thinking of calling the professionals to handle this one but then a friend of mine tells me that this is a simple two hour max job. I am tempted because my friend owns a tool shed, a rental unit and a brand new welding machine to boot.
3 comments:
You're a riot, Satnam! Keep 'em coming.
nicely written Satnam. enjoyed reading it!
Enjoyed your blog, like always, and expecting more
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